Driven by “Dis”: Illuminating Deeper Forces Behind Addiction
For my first decade living in active addiction, I sort of just assumed it was my main problem and the core issue driving my daily struggle.
This assumption was understandable, and a quite common one from parents, professionals, and persons of concern. After all, how could rampant, risky, and harmful drug abuse not become the center of one’s attention and primary focus?
The arrests, injuries, institutionalizations, illnesses, destroyed relationships, and all the other fallout that typically accompanies a severe addiction certainly demand one’s full attention and immediate solutions. Not here to debate that, not one bit. As most know, addiction can get ugly, scary, and deadly pretty darn quick.
However, just because it is the most obvious problem doesn’t mean it is the core nor biggest one. Too often addiction overshadows all that boils beneath the surface. It co-opts and crowds out all the deeper struggles that are often fueling, if not driving, one’s addictive pattern.
In fact, I’ve come to learn that for many, including myself, addiction was merely a symptom of a much more pervasive and powerful internal struggle. In other words, my unhealthy compulsive consumption was in no way the root cause or core issue. Far from it. Addiction was just what created most of the chaos and concern.
What really drove my drug use was a desire to eradicate all the “dis” that dominated my daily life.You know, all that festering shit swirling around in your inner world that makes being here, in the moment, always difficult and seemingly impossible. That was the foundation for all the unhealthy seeking in the form of substances.
Worse is that over time, beginning in early teenage years, this pernicious, seemingly inescapable dis just continued to grow. It festered. It compounded. It metastasized in the truest sense while also being suppressed, repressed, and largely ignored.
And so, the unresolved dis slowly but surreptitiously ingrained itself deep into the fibers of my being. The dis became an overwhelming force that ultimately led to lots of despair and a full on existential crisis.
Understandably, drugs seemed like a sensible - and often the only - solution. Addiction then, was not really the main event; it was a reaction to, and manifestation of, all that dis.
What On Earth is Dis?!
By “dis”, I am referring to it in the traditional, or literal translation, as a prefix that means “not.” Dis denotes a negation of some kind.
Dis also can also imply a “lack of”, while also connoting the opposite or reverse of something in the positive. In other words, having lots of dis is not so desirable, especially if one does not find healthy ways to deal with it.
Forgive the slight digression into the innards of English, but words matter, especially for this essay. Back to the core content…
Many who struggle with addiction seem to be blessed with all sorts of unresolved dis. They live in a constant state of lack (think scarcity brain), as well as a seemingly inescapable “not” (in the negative sense). Whether we are not happy, not present, not organized, not healthy, need not matter. The point is that a lot of the time we are not (insert your choice of positive feeling, emotion, or state of being here).
This certainly was the case for me. In my upcoming book, I share about how an insidious, unredressed daily “dis” of just about everything was really a core driver of my addiction.
This list of dis includes, but is not limited to:
Dis-ease
Dis-comfort
Dis-connection
Dis-organization
Dys-regulation
Dis-integration
Dys-function
Everything dis!
All of dis (and a whole lot more) coalesced, crystallized, and expressed itself as one big massive ball of total discontentment. True dissatisfaction with my daily life and being alive
To make matters even worse, thanks to all the unhealthy drug abuse and the shame that came with it, that big beautiful ball of dis ultimately became a total disdain for myself and for life. This naturally led to lots of despair, depression, and more unhealthy drug use. A self-reinforcing feedback loop of desire driven by dis and fed by the shame that came from trying to solve for the dis.
Whether the dis of all forms and flavors came from symptoms of trauma, ADHD, PTSD, SUD, an existential crisis, or any other type of psychological or spiritual malady need not matter. Point of fact is as follows:
A complex collection of “dis” dominated my daily life, led to total discontentment, and helped drive my desire for drugs of all kinds.
Who wouldn’t want to find a potential panacea for something that so aggressively disrupts one’s peace and present moment?
We All Deal with Dis, Including Organizations!
I feel it is safe to assume that those who struggle with addiction are not the only ones that must address lots of looming, daily dis in their lives.
As humans, different types of dis appear to be an undeniable part of the life experience. And, that isn’t all bad, for dis often inspires and motivates positive change. Put simply, the dis impels us to act, good or bad.
Before reading further, I encourage you to pause and consider:
What dis do you currently deal with or have you struggled with most?
Is there dis driving unhealthy behavioral patterns and/or dynamics in your life?
It seems to me that some variation of dis tends to be a very normal, natural part of the human condition. As part of one’s development, we are all tasked with earnestly looking at, and finding ways to deal with, the dis that compromises our daily experience and makes it difficult to enjoy being here, in the present moment.
And, let us remember that dis is not all unique to individuals! As the subtitle of this section suggests, the dis also can greatly affect the health of families, teams, organizations, and more.
Here are a few as examples:
Dis-stressed people
Dis-connected teams
Dis-ordered systems
Dys-functional dynamics
Dis-engaged employees
Dys-regulated leaders
Dis-illusioned communities
Dis-eased families
As with people, the list of dis is really endless when we work to situate it in the context of organizations of all kinds. We all struggle with dis, and that is so perfectly human!
What matters is not that the dis exists - it is how we choose to deal with it (or not).
Do we engage in harmful, unhealthy behaviors? - OR - Do we devise thoughtful, fruitful ways to deal with it?
How on earth can we best deal with the dis!?
Dealing with the Dis
After hundreds of hours of therapy, lots of unnecessary suffering, and slowly peeling back the layers of the proverbial onion, it became pretty darn clear to me that addiction was not at all the primary problem. The dis was.
Importantly, however, the addiction was not just a symptom of the dis. It was also a defense against it. A way of coping, sure. But drug use was also a way of trying to protect myself from, and deal with, the dis. Guess what!? Spoiler alert: It didn’t really work. At all. Surprised!?
Nope, the unhealthy drug use just created lots of extra unnecessary struggle and way more pain and suffering (and more dis). Ahh the cycle of suffering that accompanies addiction.
And so, the work was (and still is) to find all sorts of healthy, constructive ways to deal with all that damn dis! This is a framework I explore extensively in my book, especially as it relates to the feedback loop of addiction. And the big question is really whether we are treating symptoms or the core issue.
For now, however, let’s close this issue with 3 simple ways to deal with dis in one’s daily life. Here are just a few that have worked well for me:
Learn to sit with and even become comfortable with, all the dis. In other words, work towards contentment with all that is. As they say in DBT, “become comfortable being uncomfortable.” Sounds lovely right?
Unfortunately, I am not regularly meditating on a mountaintop nor am I that advanced of a person, so finding complete contentment with all the discontentment often seems rather daunting and difficult. Sure I can learn to sit with discomfort, but the dis makes me want to take action too!
Alchemize the dis, transmuting it into something meaningful and purposeful. Now this one I can more easily get down with. It's a proactive, practical, and potentially fruitful way to deal with the dis.
In essence, the work is to channel all the dis into something productive, healthy, and ideally that helps oneself and others. Exactly what I am trying on here by writing this essay and sharing my thoughts with you.
Pursue structures, practices, and routines that deal with the dis. Somewhat obvious, but absolutely critical and often something I know lots of us struggle with. BUT!
The more we can consistently and regularly breathe, meditate, move, socialize, connect with nature, and so on, the more we are actively AND proactively dealing with the dis. Being healthy and pursuing wellness wear down the dis.
Of course, there are plenty more ways to deal with it, and I would love to hear about them from you. If you feel up to it, please share in the comments below!
Thank you for taking the time to reflect alongside me.
I believe that when we stop focusing on addiction as the core problem and start addressing all the “dis” beneath it, we can experience sustainable, lasting shifts in our lives.