I Spent 20 Years Treating the Wrong Problem: Here’s What I Learned Matters Most
For over two decades, I struggled with severe drug addiction. When I say "struggle," I'm putting it really lightly. Addiction nearly killed me, many times over. My friends, my family, and I suffered gravely and I'm beyond lucky to be alive.
But here's what matters: that suffering and the colorful, circuitous journey eventually led to a revelation that changed everything about how I understand addiction, recovery, and what people actually need to flourish.
And, whether one struggles with addiction or not, my so-called “moment of clarity” may be helpful for all sorts of people out there seeking to find sustainable and consistent success in their daily lives, careers, relationships and beyond. Hopefully, this article will illuminate why.
Addiction Was Never the Real Problem
After years of focusing on addiction and recovery, I stumbled upon a pivotal insight that led to enormous breakthroughs both personally and professionally. The short of it is that I now focus my efforts on executive function, ADHD, and empowering people to build foundations for flourishing. Let me explain why…
Even during my darkest years - through jails, institutions, rehabs, and near-death experiences - I knew addiction wasn't the core issue. It was a symptom of something deeper, more pervasive, and far more debilitating. And complex PTSD was a big piece of the puzzle, sure, but it wasn't the whole of it.
Over the years as I studied and lived with addiction, I eventually came to see it as the manifestation of unresolved "dis"; dis-connection, dis-content, dis-organization, dis-order, dis-ease...Pick any "dis" you can think of. Those unresolved state(s) - that chaotic collection of dis - ultimately creates a disdain for oneself and one's daily life that drives compulsive consumption and a never ending search for external solutions.
So the real, and guiding, question that I needed to explore and hopefully answer was: What on earth is driving all the dis? Why such a fundamental discontentment with daily life and with myself?
A True “Ah-Ha!” Moment: The Missing Piece
As I went through the long, tiresome recovery process, I kept hitting the same seemingly insurmountable brick wall. Sure, I was addressing and healing my complex PTSD (slowly and incrementally). Sure, I was working on managing and moderating my consumption. But, even on days of no drug use, I continued struggling with simply navigating the basic demands daily life, work, and so on.
Worse, I wasn’t enjoying my days at all. And it didn’t ever feel easy. Quite the opposite. It felt overwhelming, unnecessarily difficult, and often exhausting. Something needed to change, and soon. I didn’t stop doing drugs to experience more despair and the never ending dis.
Then, one day while writing my book about addiction and recounting a childhood story, it all clicked!
I realized I'd had an extreme, debilitating case of ADHD throughout my childhood. Though I'd been diagnosed and heavily medicated with Ritalin and Adderall, the it had gone largely untreated. For decades, I suppressed the symptoms with every drug imaginable.
And it didn't just lay dormant. It grew. It festered. It intensified, both from lack of attention and proper skill-building, and because the consistent consumption of drugs did all sorts of additional damage, especially to my developing prefrontal cortex.
This realization transformed my entire personal recovery journey and professional focus.
I'd spent years focusing on the wrong things in the wrong order. Don't misunderstand me, of course reducing harmful drug use is an important focus for daily life. I'm obviously not advocating that people ignore their wellness and recovery. In fact, I am suggesting there may be a more effective and sustainable way to overcome addiction and be well.
What I mean is that, for many of us, unaddressed, undiagnosed, and/or mistreated ADHD often sits at the core of our mental and emotional health struggles. It can be a debilitating condition that hijacks one's daily life and disrupts everything from personal relationships to work flows.
ADHD and the related are often quite a complex and confounding condition as well because it often disguises itself as depression, anxiety, attention difficulties, social struggles, and impulse control issues. It can quite easily be misdiagnosed as many other mental health diagnoses, greatly misleading the person struggling, their loved ones, and even professionals.
So, What Actually Worked?
After this truly life-changing "ah ha" moment, I realized what I really needed wasn't just to heal complex PTSD or simply "overcome addiction." I needed to strengthen my executive function skills and learn key life management strategies. Things like:
Planning and organization
Impulse control and inhibition
Time management
Self-monitoring and awareness
Task initiation and follow-through
Emotional regulation
Stress management
In short, I needed to develop the soft skills and human capacities that would address the "dis" at its root and enable me to establish a foundation for successful daily living. I needed to master what I call "daily life management strategies."
My hypothesis was rather simple yet potentially powerful: If I could genuinely and substantively improve my executive functioning, over time all the dis and the addiction would slowly fall away...
And I was right.
Going Far Far Beyond Addiction
As I worked with clients, continued researching, and kept trying to find the best ways to address addiction, my assumptions proved that I was on the right path:
ADHD isn't just present a daily struggle for many people; it's also often core driver of their drug use, abuse, and misuse. Those who have been diagnosed ADHD/ADD often also find difficulty with compulsive consumption, impulsiveness, obsessive behavior, and the related.
However, the implications go far wider and are far more encompassing than only those struggling with addictions. In fact, the executive function struggles and unresolved dis most likely disrupt the majority of people's days in some way.
Between technology/AI, the rapid pace of modern life, and daily demands of life in Muricah, it’s safe to say that nearly all of us struggle with executive function; and even if one doesn't, we all could continue to use some strengthening or sharpening of our soft and human skills.
Perhaps more importantly is the fact that nearly anyone struggling with severe mental and emotional health challenges - especially addiction, ADHD, autism, and PTSD - can benefit enormously from strengthening these foundational capacities.
A Beautiful Win-Win
One of the most profound insights of my adult life was realizing I needed to focus on developing executive function skills and daily life management. It sounds simple but it was an important realization, as it became the impetus for major personal and professional growth.
The day I truly began to dismantle my addiction once and for all was the day I shifted my focus to really address the core issues and so-called “root causes” of addiction. Over time, as I strengthened my executive function, life and soft skills, the addiction dissipated until it was finally rendered obsolete. Done. Once and for all. After far too long of having a stronghold on my daily life.
And here's the beautiful part: shifting this focus for myself inspired a shift in my professional work. It led to my career with Culinary Concepts AB LLC and to truly empowering people by helping them gain the skills and strategies they need to navigate life with confidence, courage, capability, and ultimately some ease.
In sum, shifting my focus enabled me to become more effective in my work with clients while also improving the quality of my daily life. It allowed me to still help people, families, and organizations struggling, but in a much more targeted, useful, and sustainable way.
If this resonates with you, I'd love to hear your thoughts. What executive function skill do you find most challenging? What "dis" shows up most in your life? Drop a comment below as your insights might help someone else who needs to hear it.